• involves effort and generosity
• listen to what appeals to your child(ren)
Avoid shutting them down
• value their ideas
• allow them to express negative feelings such as disappointments, embarrassments, sadness, anxiety, and anger.
Reflect back
• repeat back to your child what you think he or she is saying
• reflect back to your child some of his or her words, but not in parrot fashion, as that can be annoying
• concentrate on reflecting back the feelings you think your child is trying to express, e.g. it sounds like you feel upset or frustrated or sad?
• reflective listening will help your child(ren) to frame their own feelings
Children learn to relate through experiencing, observing, and practicing various relationships within the family:
parent-child
mother-father
sibling-sibling
grandparent-grandchild
uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.
Experiencing: parent-child relationship
children learn to love through experiencing their parents. unconditional love
important for children to feel accepted for who they are
our love and acceptance give our children confidence through building in them:
security (knowing they are loved not for what they do, but for who they are)
self-worth (knowing they are of value – their self-worth is based on what they think we, their parents, think of them)
significance (knowing there is a purpose to their lives, and that they have a worthwhile contribution to make)
ultimately security, self-worth and Significance come from God
we model God’s parenthood of us
parents are in loco dei (in His place to represent Him)
Observing: mother-father (and other adult) relationships
children learn to relate through observing adult relationships
how we, their parents, speak and listen to each other
the physical affection we show
whether and how we resolve conflicts
children need to see firsthand the modeling of an intimate, committed adult relationship
if parenting together, consider doing The Marriage Course to invest in your relationship
if not parenting together, work at having thebest possible relationship with your child’s other parent (resolving conflict, forgiveness, consistency, etc.)
Where is your child learning most about how to build healthy relationships?
