Why do we set boundaries?
• the foundation of effective discipline is unconditional love
• a child growing up wants and needs to know where the boundaries are and who is going to enforce them
Discipline develops three things:
• self- discipline (for morally responsible behavior)
• a respect for authority (parental and other)
• a sense of security
Question: Have you tried one of the five love languages in a new way? What happened?
some people react like a rhino – when angry, they go on the attack and express their feelings aggressively
some people react like a hedgehog – when angry, they protect themselves and bury their feelings
learning to control our anger
1. Recognize the root of our anger
HALT – ask: Am I Hungry, Anxious, Lonely or Tired?
displaced anger: buried anger caused by someone in the past can come out in the present against someone else
deal with unresolved hurt from the past through forgiveness
2. Take time out to calm down
press the pause button
avoid jumping to conclusions
3. Label the action not the child’s character
avoid phrases like “You’re so careless” or “You’re so unkind”
children can believe labels
labeling the action helps them to change, e.g.; That was a careless thing to do” or “That was an unkind remark to make”
4. Use “I” statements to express own feelings
helps us to avoid labeling other people
easier for them to respond constructively
and make changes in their behavior
Do you tend to react more like a rhino or a hedgehog? What helps you express your anger effectively? How do your children tend to react? What helps them?
