Marriage Course - September 20, 2012

Day 34 - What Forgiveness Is and Is Not

Forgiveness IS NOT
• demanding a person changes before we forgive them
• pretending it doesn't matter and trying to forget about it
• thinking time alone will heal the hurt

Forgiveness IS
• facing the wrong done to us
• recognizing the emotions inside
• releasing the other person into God's hands, leaving the consequences to Him
• choosing not to hold it against our husband or wife

If we do not forgive we'll be the one imprisoned by the bitterness, resentment, and anger

Forgiveness is a process-we often need to keep forgiving for the same hurt-sometimes on a daily basis

God forgives us freely and therefore we must forgive each other freely

Start Again Together:
• begin each day with a fresh start and no backlog-tear off each page of the notebook
• don't expect healing to be instant-apology and forgiveness remove the distance between us but the hurt leaves a bruising that needs time to heal
• re-build trust by setting aside marriage time, and being gentle and kind towards each other
• pray for one another-pray aloud or silently, asking God to heal your partner of the hurt you have caused him or her

This process is like a drain that carries away the hurt

Confession to God and those we hurt, together with forgiving those who have hurt us, must become a daily habit if intimacy is to be maintained. Otherwise the drain begins to block up with unresolved hurt and anger.

Question:Ask your husband or wife to tell you one way that you can support them this week. If you feel comfortable, pray for each other – aloud or silently. Otherwise express your support in some other way.

Question 2:Complete the Worksheet found under "Study Guide"

From Series: "Marriage"

Study Guide

More Messages Associated With "Forgiveness"...

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When you ask someone why they don’t like Christianity…you’ll often hear “it’s just a bunch of rules.”  I don’t need a book to tell me how to be a good person.

If that was true, I wouldn’t want to be part of this religion either.

But it’s not true…that’s the religion that Jesus came to get rid of, and not his hope for us.

Slide7
Here’s the version of Christianity that people are usually describing:

1)Obey God’s laws

2)God will accept you

3)He’ll provide you with loving care

4)He’ll give you a new status, as a servant of God.

This is a law religion, the kind of thing the Pharisees liked to promote.  Jesus didn’t have very nice things to say about that!

The problem is – no one has ever obeyed God’s laws perfectly enough to earn God’s love.  Actually, there was one person – Jesus.  He knew our hopeless situation, and did something about it.

Jesus was all about grace.

This involves the same steps, but in a different order.

Slide8

1)God loves and accepts you…unconditionally

2)God will provide you with loving care.  He wants to be part of your life today, not some day in the future.

3)God will give you a new status: Child of God

4)You may want to return God’s favour with thanksgiivng.

A friend asked a youth group one day why they follow their parent’s rules…because of course they all do!

Is it because if they do, they’ll someday find their name in their parent’s will, and inherit tons of money?

No!  They do it because their parents provide them with good things…here and now.  Food, shelter, love, education, so on.

Yet this is how many of us approach God.  If we are good, do what we’re told, we’ll someday inherit his kingdom.

Instead of realizing he loves us as his children now, provides us with good things now, and obedience can be our way of saying thanks.

Unfortunately our society completely operates on un-grace —on having to earn your place in life—by being smart enough, good looking enough, funny enough—you name it, we have to earn our way in this life…..

but not so with God.  God is standing there as our loving Father with his arms open, wanting to welcome us home.

In grace…we are given God’s love, care and fatherhood as free gifts, even before having proven ourselves worthy, and that gives us a lot to live up to!

How do you see our world operating on law, and how would it change if more people knew about grace?