Teenagers needs the confidence that comes from knowing they are loved. Their behaviour often acts like a gauge showing how full of love their internal “emotional tank” is. Today, we introduce the concept of the five love languages as a way of expressing love to our teenagers in order for them to feel loved.
Our teenagers’ greatest need is to feel loved and accepted during this enormous transition in their lives a time of:
• self- discovery
• pushing for independence
• much self-questioning
• peer pressure
they can experience a lot of self-doubt and feel awkward and unlovable
• confidence rests on:
• security (knowing they are loved)
• self-worth (knowing they are of value)
• significance (knowing there is a purpose to their lives)
• seek to keep their emotional tank" full of lOVE:
• their behavior acts like the gauge to show how full of love they feel
Knowing that they are loved and accepted enables them in the long-term:
• to resist peer pressure when they need to
• to make good choices
• to build close relationships
Discovering how our teenagers feel loved
discover the primary way each teenager feels loved, whether it's through:
• time
• words
• touch
• presents
• actions
(see Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers)
• importance of a particular love language may have changed as a child has grown older
Question: Which of the five ways of expressing love was most important for you during your upbringing?
We look at the role of reflecting back, responding appropriately and taking a long-term view in healthy communications.7. Reflect back what they have said
say back to them what you think they are trying to express, particularly their feelings use some of their own words and phrases
8. Respond appropriately
give guidance and reassurance
they are likely to remember our words for years to come
9. Take a long-term view
sometimes any meaningful communicationwith teenagers can be a big struggle
difficulties are usually the result of a phase they’re going through
try to create the conditions for conversation to become easier, at mealtimes; spending time with them doing what they enjoy; using their love language
if worried, seek professional help and/or medical support
Role play with another adult. Have them share a typical teenage problem with you, and reflect back what they’ve said. Go back and forth for a few minutes, then switch. What was easy or hard about this?
