• involves effort and generosity
• listen to what appeals to your child(ren)
Avoid shutting them down
• value their ideas
• allow them to express negative feelings such as disappointments, embarrassments, sadness, anxiety, and anger.
Reflect back
• repeat back to your child what you think he or she is saying
• reflect back to your child some of his or her words, but not in parrot fashion, as that can be annoying
• concentrate on reflecting back the feelings you think your child is trying to express, e.g. it sounds like you feel upset or frustrated or sad?
• reflective listening will help your child(ren) to frame their own feelings
We give an opportunity to practice effective listening.
Take turns spending one minute telling your husband or wife about a happy memory of something that happened to you before you met. The listener should then summarize what they have heard, taking particular care to describe their partners feelings. This will show that they have been listening and empathizing with what their partner felt.
