It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first. Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went. You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door. I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell. But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.
Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights. The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too. It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking. It’s a high level of friendship.
For some people, maybe that seems natural enough. You grew up with it, perhaps. But for others, it bothers you. You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting. You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow? What if that dessert was for a party? What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”
The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship. That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours. We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.
Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house? Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?
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It can be very hard to find rest in our world. Between a Blackberry, kids, the home phone and social media, it can be hard to focus on anything, much less rest.
One study found that people who are interrupted by technology score 20 percent lower on a standard cognition test. A second demonstrated that some students, even when on their best behavior, can't concentrate on homework for more than two minutes without distracting themselves by using social media or writing an email.
We always wonder what we’re missing, what we should be doing, even when we’re supposed to be resting. With technology, we don’t have to suppress that – we can always know, we can always be available.
People say it’s harder and harder to unplug.
Even as I wrote this, I found myself turning to all kinds of distractions – it’s always when I try to focus on writing that I decide some amazing new change needs to be made to the app or social media. This makes it hard to work and rest – I’m constantly blending the two, and doing neither well as a result.
For this year’s vacation, I committed to turning my smartphone off, and only checking in once a day to make sure things are running smoothly with Redeem the Commute. I’ll have to physically make sure my phone isn’t around, because I know I’ll be tempted otherwise.
But that isn’t a foolproof formula – I can always go get my smartphone if I get too curious. Find rest can’t just be about strategies – because our problem is inside us. There is something inside me that is still wanting to check email, check the news, etc.
We’ll explore what that is, and what to replace it with this week.
Question: How do you “unplug” and rest? What strategies do you use?
Just in time for summer's blend of work and rest, Redeem the Commute is starting a new series of daily challenges to help busy people restore life to the commuting lifestyle. This seven week series will look at the meaning and purpose of work, rest, and ancient practices that have helped followers of Jesus to keep the two in perspective and balance for centuries.
