It seems like every sitcom shares a feature: friends just come and go, they seldom knock or call first. Think of Friends – the characters simply came and went. You might think Seinfeld was an exception, with George and Elaine buzzing from the lobby, but don’t forget how Jerry’s neighbour Kramer just tumbles in the door. I’m sure to some degree this is about writing a good script – you can’t have a lot of down time waiting for people to answer the doorbell. But it also communicates something about the depth of their friendship.
Some researchers say these kinds of friends have what’s called refrigerator rights. The term comes from a book of the same name, but you may have heard it in pop culture, too. It defines a close relationship, where even though they don’t live there, a friend is able to come and go at will, and even eat from the other’s fridge without asking. It’s a high level of friendship.
For some people, maybe that seems natural enough. You grew up with it, perhaps. But for others, it bothers you. You might think it’s awkward, too intimate, or too trusting. You might ask, “What if I needed those leftovers for lunch tomorrow? What if that dessert was for a party? What if you come in my house while I’m in the shower, sleeping, or arguing with my spouse?”
The lines between family and friend are starting to blur in that kind of relationship. That’s the shift we’re going to explore this week in our pursuit of becoming great neighbours. We’ll look at the relationships with our neighbours that go deepest – where we become like family, with a focused, high level of friendship.
Question: How do you react to people having “refrigerator rights” in your house? Would you love more relationships that close, or are you a bit nervous?
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People often quote Jesus to escape judging anything as right and wrong.
But he meant the opposite, it’s a command to judge! But to judge based on God's standards and not our own.
It's not a call to be blind, but generous and caring.
We've included a fun short film that illustrates this humourously. Look for the "Short Film" link on the web, or the second video in the app menu, or at https://vimeo.com/66753575
Jesus wants us to first become aware of our own situation, then another’s.
If we pretend to be judges by our own standards, we can’t plead ignorance of the law we administer.
Are you prepared to judge someone by the same standards?
Pretend you arrive at heaven. You've had a recording device hanging around your neck all your life, and God says "I will go easy on you, I’ll judge you by your own standards, instead of godly standards." So he plays back all the times you set a standard: Listen to me, don’t talk behind my back, don’t use that tone of voice, etc. How would that go?
Jesus doesn't want us to cease to be human – we were created with reason. He just wants us to cease trying to be God.
He puts all humans on a level playing field, where we can together explore how God’s standard is much better than any we’d make up.
Be a brother…that’s the language used here.
Question: Go through the last week’s interactions with your colleagues, family, friends and even strangers. What standards do you set up for others? Then go back through the list and check off those you’ve kept yourself.
