Last week, I told you story of my old neighbour who helped build a deck. He nicely represented the transition from strangers to neighbours to acquaintances to partners. Today we’ll go one step further. We’ll talk about becoming friends with those we work with, those we help, and those we live around.
When I was a volunteer paramedic, I remember one partner in particular. We did several shifts together, and on calls he was always nervous, and second-guessing himself, which could be challenging to work with. One day, he invited me to supper. I met his family, saw his home and farm, and in the process learned about him and his values. The next shift we had together was different. I found we could communicate better, and I could anticipate his moves. Debriefing the call afterwards was easier. I knew this quirks, where they came from, and could work from a place of partnership and friendship rather than tolerance.
This has wider application than the workplace, but some good examples of how important this is follow from a few studies:
50 percent of employees with a best friend at work reported that they feel a strong connection with their company, compared to just 10 percent of employees without a best friend at work. (A 2012 Gallup report which found that)
People planning to stick with their current job cited “good relationship with co-workers” as the major reason (67%) – above “job satisfaction” (63%), “flexible working arrangements” (57%) and even salary (which ranked seventh at 46%). A 2013 survey of 2,223 business people across Australia
In the same way, being a follower of Jesus isn’t just about doing transactions, like dealing with other followers of Jesus because you have to, or caring for others in need simply because it looks good.
We’re actually meant to become friends with those we care for, and those we care with. Not every single one to the same degree maybe, but we are actually meant to have a relationship with those we encounter in this life, and not simply use people or tolerate others.
We’ll focus this week on those we care for, those we’ve been talking about all along, and becoming friends.
Question: When have you unexpectedly “hit it off” with someone at work?
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One friend, speaking on this passage, gave this advice: When in conflict, we typically assume it's 80% their fault, 20% ours. But approach the argument as if it's the opposite, since that’s how the other person sees it!
Jesus said, "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."
It's a ridiculous image. But usually we can recognize some truth in it. It's embarassing for us, because we know it's something we've done. Story of someone driving down road, sketchy people, judging them. Reazlizes speeding! “They might be breaking, or planning to break the law, but I am 100% guilty!”
We don’t judge ourselves by the same standards we use for others. It's right in the log and speck imagery: We are the worst possible eye surgeon, but ready to give it a try all the same.
Specks are not harmless – don’t ignore one! Left alone in our own eye, or anyone else's, they become inflamed irritants…you are a bad friend if you ignore the speck in someone else's eye.
But to be that good friend, first take log out of your own eye - approach other person with humility and self-awareness.
Jesus' death on the cross is central. It allows us to become aware of brokenness and sin - we needed Jesus to die for us. This can help us believe we are no better than others - we all needed relief from sin. To approach that other person, we have to believe we are worse, or as bad, as anyone else.
But Jesus' death on the cross also tells us we are loved. By showing us how loved we are, Jesus has removed any of our motivations to avoid hard conversations by fear. We are loved, even in the hard conversations.
Challenge: Who do you want to criticize or judge? Are you guilty of the same? Approach that person on the level, tell them you’re working on this issue in yourself, and see what happens from there.
