Last week, I told you story of my old neighbour who helped build a deck. He nicely represented the transition from strangers to neighbours to acquaintances to partners. Today we’ll go one step further. We’ll talk about becoming friends with those we work with, those we help, and those we live around.
When I was a volunteer paramedic, I remember one partner in particular. We did several shifts together, and on calls he was always nervous, and second-guessing himself, which could be challenging to work with. One day, he invited me to supper. I met his family, saw his home and farm, and in the process learned about him and his values. The next shift we had together was different. I found we could communicate better, and I could anticipate his moves. Debriefing the call afterwards was easier. I knew this quirks, where they came from, and could work from a place of partnership and friendship rather than tolerance.
This has wider application than the workplace, but some good examples of how important this is follow from a few studies:
50 percent of employees with a best friend at work reported that they feel a strong connection with their company, compared to just 10 percent of employees without a best friend at work. (A 2012 Gallup report which found that)
People planning to stick with their current job cited “good relationship with co-workers” as the major reason (67%) – above “job satisfaction” (63%), “flexible working arrangements” (57%) and even salary (which ranked seventh at 46%). A 2013 survey of 2,223 business people across Australia
In the same way, being a follower of Jesus isn’t just about doing transactions, like dealing with other followers of Jesus because you have to, or caring for others in need simply because it looks good.
We’re actually meant to become friends with those we care for, and those we care with. Not every single one to the same degree maybe, but we are actually meant to have a relationship with those we encounter in this life, and not simply use people or tolerate others.
We’ll focus this week on those we care for, those we’ve been talking about all along, and becoming friends.
Question: When have you unexpectedly “hit it off” with someone at work?
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You’ll be challenged to forgive today. Perhaps you bristle at the thought, and say, “no one can tell me when to forgive. I can hold a grudge if I want to.”
I once knew a woman you shared a story with me about a past employer who was cruel and unkind. My friend became visibly agitated as she told the story, and said that to this day, she leaves parties and restaurants the moment her former employer arrives. I asked when this happened, and learned this person had been leaving parties and restaurants for 20 years!
The worst part is, the cruel employer may have no idea this is happening. My friend thinks she is hurting her former employer, but she’s really hurting herself, by bowing out of parties!
This is a vivid example of how forgiveness is not just about releasing those who hurt us, but it is a release for the person doing the forgiving as well.
It allows us to step out of God’s role, and allow him to be God over us. That’s what being a Christian is supposed to be all about, and is why Jesus claimed forgiveness was so essential for his followers. If we do not forgive others, we are trying to be God – the ultimate judge – over them.
Now, forgiveness is very hard, I will admit. It’s seen as impossible for many. But thankfully, we don’t have to muster the strength or resolve to forgive all on our own. Jesus has forgiven everyone for us. He went around earth forgiving people their sins, which seemed absurd, since he didn’t appear to have been wronged. But as God, he was wronged anytime one of his beloved children was wronged, and could forgive those sinners even when the wronged party could not.
We forgive because God has forgiven us, and even if we can’t find the strength, forgiveness can be as simple as asking God to forgive them.
The example of my friend who left parties because her enemy arrived is apt. God’s kingdom is described in the Bible as a party. Forgiveness can let us enjoy the party - God’s party. Don’t avoid the party, just to hold a grudge.
Challenge: Consider someone who has hurt you. Forgive them today. Start by telling God you’ve forgiven them, or need him to forgive them. Then tell yourself they are forgiven, every day, if necessary. Then, if you can, and it’s safe, tell that person that they are forgiven.
This is a process – it needs to be a daily practice sometimes.
If forgiveness is something that needs to happen in your relationship, we have some great help on forgiveness in the Marriage Course. The forgiveness topic starts on Day 27.
