Last week, I told you story of my old neighbour who helped build a deck. He nicely represented the transition from strangers to neighbours to acquaintances to partners. Today we’ll go one step further. We’ll talk about becoming friends with those we work with, those we help, and those we live around.
When I was a volunteer paramedic, I remember one partner in particular. We did several shifts together, and on calls he was always nervous, and second-guessing himself, which could be challenging to work with. One day, he invited me to supper. I met his family, saw his home and farm, and in the process learned about him and his values. The next shift we had together was different. I found we could communicate better, and I could anticipate his moves. Debriefing the call afterwards was easier. I knew this quirks, where they came from, and could work from a place of partnership and friendship rather than tolerance.
This has wider application than the workplace, but some good examples of how important this is follow from a few studies:
50 percent of employees with a best friend at work reported that they feel a strong connection with their company, compared to just 10 percent of employees without a best friend at work. (A 2012 Gallup report which found that)
People planning to stick with their current job cited “good relationship with co-workers” as the major reason (67%) – above “job satisfaction” (63%), “flexible working arrangements” (57%) and even salary (which ranked seventh at 46%). A 2013 survey of 2,223 business people across Australia
In the same way, being a follower of Jesus isn’t just about doing transactions, like dealing with other followers of Jesus because you have to, or caring for others in need simply because it looks good.
We’re actually meant to become friends with those we care for, and those we care with. Not every single one to the same degree maybe, but we are actually meant to have a relationship with those we encounter in this life, and not simply use people or tolerate others.
We’ll focus this week on those we care for, those we’ve been talking about all along, and becoming friends.
Question: When have you unexpectedly “hit it off” with someone at work?
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You’ve probably heard the saying, “forgive and forget,” but forgiveness is not slavishly forgetting wrongs, that would simply allow many to be victimized again. It’s also not about demanding someone change before we forgive them. It’s not just thinking that time will heal everything. It’s actively releasing someone into God’s hands, and allowing him to determine punishment or forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. It names the hurt, acknowledges it happened, and that it was wrong. And then it’s a gift we give the other person, by releasing them from our feeble attempts to be God and judge over them. It’s about loving our enemies, recognizing them as a sinner in need of God’s forgiveness. Jesus was about forgiveness, and forgiving others allows us to be living examples of his forgiveness.
This is why it’s such a big sign of discipleship – almost formulaic. The message of God’s forgiveness needs to be talked about, but also needs to be lived out. The best sign that we have experienced God’s forgiveness is that we start spreading it around.
One journalist wrote, "I think the most powerful demonstration of the depth of Amish forgiveness was when members of the Amish community went to the killer's burial service at the cemetery," Kraybill says. "Several families, Amish families who had buried their own daughters just the day before were in attendance and they hugged the widow, and hugged other members of the killer's family."
Imagine the release for that family. The guilt they experienced, their last name tarnished, so on. The community’s forgiveness meant they were now freed for new beginnings.
Tomorrow, we see how forgiveness is also about releasing you, the one doing the forgiving.
Question: Have you ever been forgiven? What did it release you to do?
