Last week, I told you story of my old neighbour who helped build a deck. He nicely represented the transition from strangers to neighbours to acquaintances to partners. Today we’ll go one step further. We’ll talk about becoming friends with those we work with, those we help, and those we live around.
When I was a volunteer paramedic, I remember one partner in particular. We did several shifts together, and on calls he was always nervous, and second-guessing himself, which could be challenging to work with. One day, he invited me to supper. I met his family, saw his home and farm, and in the process learned about him and his values. The next shift we had together was different. I found we could communicate better, and I could anticipate his moves. Debriefing the call afterwards was easier. I knew this quirks, where they came from, and could work from a place of partnership and friendship rather than tolerance.
This has wider application than the workplace, but some good examples of how important this is follow from a few studies:
50 percent of employees with a best friend at work reported that they feel a strong connection with their company, compared to just 10 percent of employees without a best friend at work. (A 2012 Gallup report which found that)
People planning to stick with their current job cited “good relationship with co-workers” as the major reason (67%) – above “job satisfaction” (63%), “flexible working arrangements” (57%) and even salary (which ranked seventh at 46%). A 2013 survey of 2,223 business people across Australia
In the same way, being a follower of Jesus isn’t just about doing transactions, like dealing with other followers of Jesus because you have to, or caring for others in need simply because it looks good.
We’re actually meant to become friends with those we care for, and those we care with. Not every single one to the same degree maybe, but we are actually meant to have a relationship with those we encounter in this life, and not simply use people or tolerate others.
We’ll focus this week on those we care for, those we’ve been talking about all along, and becoming friends.
Question: When have you unexpectedly “hit it off” with someone at work?
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Matthew 6:16-18 ESV - “And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
Fasting – willingly going without food, completely or just for a part of each day.
It was a common practice in Jesus’ day. The Pharisees fasted twice a week. John the Baptist and his disciples fasted regularly. We know that the disciples of Jesus were notable for not fasting, although Jesus did, and expected they would after his death.
And here – he seems to assume they will fast. He says, "When you fast." not "if you fast".
So just like the last two weeks – Jesus is not simply commanding some religious observance, like generosity or prayer. He is teaching about how, and the motivations for, those observances.
The inner motivations matter to him, not just the outer practices.
And it’s important with fasting.
Throughout the Bible, fasting was a means of self-denial or self-discipline, particularly in penitence for some sin in their life. Humbling ourselves for God.
But the hypocrites made it something for others to see as well. There are a few ways to do that – look dishevelled, rub ashes on your face to look sickly, or cover your head in sackcloth.
Like they were doing with their ostentatious public prayers, or their conspicuous generosity, they advertised their religiosity to the world. It makes no sense at all, because fasting is supposed to be an exercise of humility!
Acting humbly, to engage in an outer sign of penitence and humility like fasting, and yet have no inner remorse or motivation to change our ways. They are actors – the very definition of a hypocrite.
We do this all the time – in job interviews we don’t want to come across as a self-centered renegade, but want to sound like a team player, so we find ways to communicate how humble and effective we are at the same time.
When people congratulate us, we downplay it – oh it was nothing.
It’s become almost a joke that every Oscar winner needs to thank God for their success, whether they believe that or not. This year, though, people somehow looked beyond all those scripted moments, and fell in love with Jennifer Lawrence because her back stage interview came across as genuine, down to earth and honest.
Question: Have you ever needed to prove your humility to someone? How did you do it?
